Something Keith Urban said recently in response to an interview on the red carpet at the 2015 American Idol's finale had me thinking. He said "You've got to expose them to the real things in life right?" He was referring to his daughter Sunday Rose wanting to audition for The Voice, Kids. Isn't it a hard thing when we want our kids to succeed but we witness them making mistakes. For Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman's daughter, she will be in the spotlight, on national TV. I feel for Nicole who knows what the spotlight is like. She said "You want to protect them but have them follow their dreams."
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We know it can be a hard slog to get where you want to go. We each have our own life experiences that make us who we are today. The same goes for our kids. They have to have experiences in their life for them to be who they will be. We hope they are not too bad, of course... I mean some very terrible things happen to people sometimes. We don't know what lies ahead for our children as we don't have a time machine. Along the way they will have challenges in life that will help them to develop virtues like patience, persistence, courage, integrity, responsibility, self-discipline, understanding and so on.
Some of these are learned after suffering disappointments, being knocked down, and getting up again. I don't think we should be over protecting our kids, but as a parent myself, you can have a mental tug-o-war. One side says, "let him go, he will learn", and the other side says "no, I need to protect him". You might not even have these conscious thoughts, they are just feelings. Each child's maturity level is different, so you have to do what you think is right, and what you think they can handle.
Some of these are learned after suffering disappointments, being knocked down, and getting up again. I don't think we should be over protecting our kids, but as a parent myself, you can have a mental tug-o-war. One side says, "let him go, he will learn", and the other side says "no, I need to protect him". You might not even have these conscious thoughts, they are just feelings. Each child's maturity level is different, so you have to do what you think is right, and what you think they can handle.
So, how can we raise resilient kids?
Children have their own set of challenges to navigate in their lives - taking school tests, making friends and getting hurt by friends, dealing with bullies, starting things for the first time, and so on. Solving these problems and being able to dust themselves off and move on makes them resilient. Problem solving doesn't mean they have to do it all themselves, it means that they know who to ask for help and when.
As parents, how can we best be there for our kids when situations arise where they must problem solve the answer? My research points to the following:
1. Allow some risks (age appropriate ones). They will not learn to use a knife properly if you don't give them the opportunity to practise. Yes, they could hurt themselves, but supervise them.
2. Teach them about problem solving. Show them how you problem solve. Ask them for ideas on how to problem solve.
3. Give them some skills to lean back on when they need them eg. how to cross the road. Play board games that teach problem solving, concentration and using your memory.
4. Let them make mistakes. Show them how they can learn from their mistakes. Model the right behaviour by not giving up yourself. Practise makes perfect.
5. Emotions are often involved so work on having a good relationship with your kids so that they can talk to you about how they feel. Put yourself in their shoes and understand how they feel. Offer them comfort and empathy.
6. Create opportunities for your child to learn responsibility. They won't have this skill right away, but allow them to learn what responsibility is. If they make bad decisions, offer guidance.
7. Find out what your child's strengths are. When they are down and disappointed if they have failed at something, they will bounce back better, knowing that they are good at something.
Focus on teaching and providing opportunities for your children to grow. They will grow in confidence. So much discussion can be had around the above points when doing things with your children.
Children have their own set of challenges to navigate in their lives - taking school tests, making friends and getting hurt by friends, dealing with bullies, starting things for the first time, and so on. Solving these problems and being able to dust themselves off and move on makes them resilient. Problem solving doesn't mean they have to do it all themselves, it means that they know who to ask for help and when.
As parents, how can we best be there for our kids when situations arise where they must problem solve the answer? My research points to the following:
1. Allow some risks (age appropriate ones). They will not learn to use a knife properly if you don't give them the opportunity to practise. Yes, they could hurt themselves, but supervise them.
2. Teach them about problem solving. Show them how you problem solve. Ask them for ideas on how to problem solve.
3. Give them some skills to lean back on when they need them eg. how to cross the road. Play board games that teach problem solving, concentration and using your memory.
4. Let them make mistakes. Show them how they can learn from their mistakes. Model the right behaviour by not giving up yourself. Practise makes perfect.
5. Emotions are often involved so work on having a good relationship with your kids so that they can talk to you about how they feel. Put yourself in their shoes and understand how they feel. Offer them comfort and empathy.
6. Create opportunities for your child to learn responsibility. They won't have this skill right away, but allow them to learn what responsibility is. If they make bad decisions, offer guidance.
7. Find out what your child's strengths are. When they are down and disappointed if they have failed at something, they will bounce back better, knowing that they are good at something.
Focus on teaching and providing opportunities for your children to grow. They will grow in confidence. So much discussion can be had around the above points when doing things with your children.
We recently reviewed "I just want to be... Me!" by Timothy Bowden and Sandra Bowden, a book for children aged 10 to 14. Here's an excerpt:
"Do you want your child to be able to cope with change and life challenges? Do you want them to be able to bounce back after difficult times? If you answered 'yes' then 'I just want to be ... me!' is the book for you.
It is a paperback book full of colour, and presented in comic strip form. It is the story of Holly, her feelings and how she deals with life's challenges. It covers negative self talk, her insecurities and worries."
If you would like to read our full book review, please click here.
"Do you want your child to be able to cope with change and life challenges? Do you want them to be able to bounce back after difficult times? If you answered 'yes' then 'I just want to be ... me!' is the book for you.
It is a paperback book full of colour, and presented in comic strip form. It is the story of Holly, her feelings and how she deals with life's challenges. It covers negative self talk, her insecurities and worries."
If you would like to read our full book review, please click here.
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